Sucky McSuckers

Sometimes, this diet really sucks.  But, I also felt the same way when I was first starting out in 2008.  I have to remember that I am essentially at the same place that I was.  I feel like it is more difficult now, because I remember how much it sucked.  I don't relish in the small victories as much as I did then.  I know that is wrong, and I should accept that small wins will get me to where I want to be.

I just don't know where I went wrong.  I LOVED being pregnant.  I felt absolutely beautiful pregnant.  I did not gain too much weight - I was in the 25-30lb window by the time I gave birth (which is spot-on for a healthy pregnancy).  I started off healthy, but did let the exercise start to slip at the end of the first trimester.  Maybe that is where I went wrong.  My weight gain was as steady as it should have been, and even in my final days, I didn't feel very bloated or swollen.  Uncomfortable, yes.  And, after I had Ethan, I started breastfeeding.  I breastfed until he was 11 months & 1 week old.  I did it until I just couldn't stand my body for another second, and needed to make a change.  Breastfeeding did not help me with ANY weight loss.  I know it's a Godsend for some, but I'm one of the lucky ones who did not get that benefit.  Now that I have been done for going on 2 weeks, I finally feel like I have control over my body again.  I can cut calories where I couldn't before.  But, I do not feel like I gave myself a license to overindulge...  Maybe I did.  I tracked my calories as often as I could remember, and always stayed under the 2000 mark, usually around 1800.  That is a healthy caloric intake for a breastfeeding mother.  I will say that I always felt hungry.  I tried to snack a little through the day to help, but I'll admit that it wasn't always the most healthy choices.  Peanut butter crackers were my weakness.  I don't know... Part of me wants to beat myself up, and the other part understands that my body went obviously went through some changes.  What worked before was not quite as efficient.


Regardless, I am finally making some progress.  This is my fourth day on Ideal Protein, and I feel like I am getting somewhere.  My hunger and cravings are starting to curb.  When I go back on Friday, I am going to swap out my unrestricted snack for a restricted one so that I can workout in the afternoons again (with energy).  I am learning how to eat again.  With the pregnancy, I allowed myself to indulge on occasion, and I'm not sure that mentality has left yet.  While I don't feel like I have been "so bad"....maybe I have.


Regardless, I am just happy to finally feel like something is working again. :)