I've come too far...

...to let some petty bullshit pull me down.

Why is it a crime to be successful? Why do some people feel the need to bring you down all the time? I feel like I give and give of myself, only to be belittled by people I call "friends". I do realize that I have been very fortunate in my career field. I was given a chance when the company had no real basis to go on with me. However, it has been the greatest experience of my life, and I thank God everyday for the opportunity to continue to grow in my professional life. Granted, I don't know the specifics as to why I was given this chance, but don't you think that if I had not been living up to or surpassing my boss's expectations of me that I would be gone already? I have been in this position for over two years now. That's plenty long enough to have been let go if they weren't seeing what they expected out of me.

I had to go through all of the bitterness from other employees when I was promoted, and I dealt with it in the best way possible - by just doing my job. I was asked to interview for the position, so obviously there was something that they saw in me and my work ethic up to that point. However, if you came into this company after me, then you have absolutely no basis to be bitter with me or hold anything against me. My job is important and I take pride in it.

I had a nice, long talk with Michael last night about some feelings I have been going through. He opened my eyes to a lot things that I either didn't see or just didn't want to see. I am at a completely different stage in life than some of my friends. That's not wrong, it's just different. Because of this, there is a wall between us. How we deal with that wall is what makes the difference. I can put my professional life aside and have a good time with people, regardless of where they stand professionally or otherwise. However, I am starting to see that others cannot. I am friends with people that I feel are way beyond me, and it does not bother me. Some people are more ambitious, or they were just in the right place at the right time. Why would I be upset that they are successful? Almost all of my friends are in a better financial situation than me because of what their family left them, their parents or their significant other and their family. I don't hate them for that. So, why do those same people treat me so cruelly when I have made my own way? Is it jealousy? To me, that seems so juvenile that I don't even want to consider it.

I'm just tired and upset... I want people in my life who appreciate the things I have done for them, and who will not bring me down because of their own shortcomings.

It has begun.

So, last week I finished reading through New Rules of Lifting for Women. I had originally planned to start last week, but I really wanted to get through the book and understand the diet plan first. I'm glad I did, because I started a VERY successful week 1 this week! The diet plan is very easy for me to follow since it incorporates a lot of food items I already have and use. It also calls for me to eat every few hours, so I'm less likely to go throughout the day forgetting to eat and then screw up on a burger or something greasy.

What's funny is that I have lost about 2 lbs. so far, but I have upped my calories a lot for me. I was taking in around 1200-1400, and this week I've gone up to 1800-2000. I guess a huge part of that is the macroratio. I'm eating a lot more protein than I usually do, which is great! I like how Casandra uses protein powder in ways I would never have thought of. My favorite breakfast for work days is a mini whole wheat bagel, reduced fat cream cheese, and a protein iced coffee (coffee, skim milk and protein powder). It's quick, easy and filling! I'm still palying around with the lunch and dinner recipes. The snacks are great too. I love the red pepper and hummus, and the apple with natural peanut butter. I know I may be way too excited, but it has always been difficult for me to follow the diet part of the programs I've done in the past. They would always call for weird ingredients or just too much time in the kitchen for breakfast or lunch. I'm a roll-out-of-bed-and-grab-it-on-my-way-out-the-door kind of girl in the morning, and I hardly ever waste the gas to go home on my lunch break unless it is absolutely necessary for some reason.

I'm thinking about talking to Ambrey (a girl I used to work with and who is now the Director of my gym) about what I need to do to be Spin and Body Pump certified - especially Spin. Body Pump requires you to learn new routines every few months, and I kind of feel like I would barely have one down before they're asking me to learn another one. There is a lot more freedom with Spin, and I love all of the different instructors and their variations. It's just a thought. I don't think I have the personality to be a personal trainer - I just don't feel like I can be hard on someone when I'm so far from perfect in my diet and exercise! lol However, I think I could do this since it doesn't require me to harp on anyone about what they do outside of that 45-60 minutes.

My plan is to take pictures of my progress with NROLFW at least twice a month. I'm going to take my week 1 pics this weekend! :) I can't wait to see the next set to compare. I believe that doing this will help keep me motivated over the next 6 months. I've come so far, and while I've wanted to scream it from the mountain tops that I am healthier than ever, I still feel like I have so far to go. If someone asks me about what I'm doing, or mentions something about me losing weight, then I'll talk about it at that time. Or the people in my life who are health conscious, yeah, I definitely talk about it with them regularly. I just don't want to be "that girl" at work, the gym or otherwise who boasts about all the work-outs she's doing or how many calories she had or burned that day and still be looking like a chunky monkey, ya know? Everyone's opinion is different about health and beauty, but until I can stand naked in front of a mirror and see muscle tone all over without flexing, you won't catch me bragging! lol My hope and prayer is that NROLFW gets me to that point FINALLY! :D